The best scrambled eggs you’ll ever taste

I’ve been working on perfecting this recipe for literally years, and have finally ‘got it right.’ This recipe is copyright (c) 2009 Steamguy, EAB. Feel free to share but please include where you got it, to honor my work in creating it.

Why a copyright? Well, first of all, it’s that good. And we are considering publishing a book of recipes in the future, and this one will be in it. And this is one of the few outstanding things I’ve invented; it’s taken years to perfect, so I’m just quietly asking that all that work be respected. Thanks for thinking of me when you refer it.

This recipe and its techniques will turn out beautiful, unctuous eggs every time.

It requires one important technique to be successful. The heat must go from high to low quickly, once the eggs are dumped in and stirred. The pan you use must be heated hot, then removed from the heat once you dump in the eggs and stir. If you’re using a heavy pan like cast iron – or an electric stove, move the pan off the burner. If you’re using gas, just turn the burner all the way down. The principle is that the hot pan gets the eggs started cooking, and heated past the point of trouble with salmonella, an ever-present danger if you’re cooking eggs really slow. Turning the heat down or moving the pan off gives you time to let them get to just the right point – just moist, but not completely dry.

The best technique if you have an electric stove? Have your big front burner up on full blast, and your small front burner on low. Once you dump the eggs in and stir, move the pan to the smaller burner.  Then switch the big front burner off to avoid getting a suntan.

Here we go – the ingredients:

Steamguy’s Scrambled Eggs

  • 6 eggs
  • 3 Tbsp Ranch dressing (I recommend Hidden Valley brand. Regular or “Light” works equally well; ‘Light’ gives you the chance to say, ‘… but it’s low-cal!’)
  • 1 tsp ordinary tap water
  • Heavy pinch salt
  • 3 heavy pinches Shilling Poultry Rub – yup, use this stuff. (Monteal Chicken Seasoning makes a good substitute)
  • 1 Tbsp grated parmesan cheese (Don’t use that awful Kraft stuff; I recommend Trader Joe’s in the green can instead)

Put all in an appropriate-sized bowl and mix with a salad fork in the order given. Why? If you put in the salad dressing first, for example, it takes forever to get it combined. You can use a whisk if you want to be fussy and pro-looking, but whisks are harder to clean up for the next steps.

Heat the pan with a good tablespoon of olive oil and get a small sliver of butter ready – I’m talking about something like 1/8″ slice, not much more.

When the pan gets really good and hot, throw in the butter, then dump in the eggs. (I mean HOT! Literally 400 degrees, if you have a surface temperature meter.) They should make a good bit of noise as you dump them in. If not, then wait a few moments before turning down the heat.

Stir from the outside edges toward the center in a circular motion. The eggs start to cook faster out there and you want everything to be the same temperature to start. Stir for about 10-15 seconds.

Then, quick TURN DOWN THE HEAT! Or move the pan off the high heat.

Let it sit for about two minutes. Go watch the leaves blow around the yard or something.

Come back with a spatula and turn the cooked portions over onto the tops of the uncooked portions. Go away and leave it for at least another couple minutes. Maybe five. You have time. Be patient.

Now come back and turn it all over again, making sure you have everything cooked perfectly – and it will be, because you have the heat down and have time to watch it develop more slowly. It won’t suddenly overcook on you this way.

When everything is just a shade more moist than you like it, turn it out onto your warm serving plates. It’ll continue to firm up as it sits, but it won’t get all hard and tough on you.

All done!

Steamguy

Thanks for honoring all the time, work, and testing I put in to get this right by including my name.

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